I can't even.... so instead I'll just give you the top 10 best reviews on Amazon of the Jenner girls’ new book.
Perhaps they should have had some of these reviewers help them write their book. At least it would have been entertaining.
1. “B.D.” compares the book to toilet paper…
“Garbage from start to finish. Don’t bother wasting your time or money on this piece of trash. The trees that died to make the paper for this book would have been better off as toilet paper.”
2. “T. O’Connor” gives the girls suggestions for their next literary masterpiece…
“To the authors, I have a suggestion for your next book. It might actually be something you know about. Although you’ll probably have to get a ghost writer for that too. It should be called, ‘Your Big Sister Gets Pissed on In Film: How to Make it Work for You.’”
3. “Madison” mourned the loss of the trees it took to create the book….
“By the time I reached 240 or was it 242, I wanted to shriek like a hellion and soil my tablet with whatever gunk I could find. But, I love my tablet way too much to soil it for anything (even the loss of my brain cells)…I’m mentally holding a memorial service for the trees that perished because Kylie and Kendall decided to “write” a book.”
4. “Alexandra Ware” managed to find a good use for this book–warding off coffee shop creeps!
“Are you tired of cute hipster guys or girls hitting on you in the coffee shop while you try and have a quiet read with an almond milk soy cap frap? Me too! This book acts like an EMP on Sentinels, it shuts that s*** down. Money saving tip – Just print off the front cover and stick it to any old book you’re reading. Honestly, don’t buy it – otherwise you’re just enabling the Cardissian’s filler addiction.”
5. “Knox Kingston” gives us a peek into how this whole mess began….
“OMG, like, I’m bored. You know what we should do? We should, like, write a book.”
“OMG I know, right? Writing books is soooo easy.”
“So what do we have to do?”
“Well, like, apparently we have to sit down and write a lot of words.”
“Ugh, that sucks SOOO bad. I don’t even like words. Isn’t there an easier way?”
“I think, like, we can just hire a ghost writer or whatever.”
“Oh, cool! So hey, ghost writer lady, like, can you write a book about us as like, I don’t know, Hunger Games girls? And make us super cute, okay?”
“Totes. And call us when it’s done, cuz, like, we totally gotta have a book party or whatever those author nerds do when they make a book. We love parties.”
“Totes!”
Then the book is released, IQ points are massively destroyed world wide, and I die a little inside from even having written this review.”
6. “David” offers advice for a more exciting alternative purchase…
“Kim Kardashian’s sex tape had a better plot and a more powerful climax. At least there were no misspelled words, I gave it star for that.”
7. “K. Sanderson” figured out how this book came to be…
“I really think that the ghost writer just slammed her head against the keyboard and came up with this crap.”
8. “Luke”— I’d pay to see what you suggest…
“Jenner & Jenner should stay out of novel-writing for the same reasons Stephen King should stay out of bikini modeling–though I’ll venture he’d do a far better job of crossing over careers than they have here.”
9. “Rebecca Wordd” does remind us that the Jenners are good at a few things…
“Awful book, no plot development, character development-what the heck? Sorry pretty little girls-stick to what you do best, posing for selfies and shopping.”
10. “I. Patricia” proves that the characters in the book are based off of Kylie and Kendall…
“The characters were poorly developed – Lex and Livia, are they serious? You just don’t get attached to them, they seem like puppets without real emotions, they act like puppets with no mind…”
My rating: ☆☆☆☆☆ (0 out of 5 stars)
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